This from a friend who recently retired:

Okay, so some have asked why I want to retire early from the airlines. If you're not directly involved with an airline, most people have no idea what it's like. So, here's a "Home Study Simulator Course" designed for those who hunger for
the "romance" and "adventure" of flying. I've left out the part about airport security, we go through the same S*&% you do, and then:

1. Stay out of bed all night.

2. Sit in your most uncomfortable chair, in a closet, for five or six hours
facing a four foot wide panoramic photo of a flight deck.

3. Have two or three noisy vacuum cleaners on high, out of sight but within
hearing distance and operating throughout the night. If a vacuum cleaner
fails, do the appropriate restart checklist.

4. Halfway through your nocturnal simulator course, arrange for a bright
spotlight to shine directly into your face for two or three hours,
simulating an eastbound flight into the sunrise.

5. Eat a bland, cold, overcooked-six-hours-ago meal balanced on your lap
midway through the night.

6. Drink cold cups of coffee from time to time. Ask your spouse to slam the
door frequently.

7. At the time when you must heed nature's call, force yourself to stand
outside the bathroom door for at least ten minutes, transferring your weight
from leg to leg, easing the discomfort. Make sure your tie is straight.

8. Leave the closet after the prescribed five or six hours, turn on your
sprinklers and stand out in the cold and "rain" for twenty minutes, just
like waiting for the hotel van.

9. Head for your bedroom, wet and with your suitcase and flight bag. Stand
outside the door till your wife gets up and leaves, simulating the wait
you'd have while the maid makes up the hotel room.

10. When your spouse inquires, "Just what in the hell have you been doing?"
just say, "practicing the allure of all night flying to romantic places" and
collapse into bed.

11. Lay awake for several hours listening to a recording of airplanes
departing and arriving. Add ice machine and elevator noises intermittently
with the vacuum sweeper banging into your bedroom door. Play the TV in the
next room as loud as it will go. Sleep fitfully for 3 hours. Have your wife
call on the phone simulating your latest update from your dispatcher. Get
up.

12. Shower in cold water.

13. Pay $30 for a bagel and a cup of coffee.

14. If you are a purist, do this six nights in a row.

:grijns:

S.