Ik heb deze in de keuken gehangen, misschien ook een tip voor jullie. Heb er 10 minuten aan zitten tikken, maar dat was het meer als waard, aangezien ik nu enkel naar de keuken hoef te wijzen (as always) ipv steeds maar weer in herhaling te treden!

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To my dear beautiful girlfriend -

Baby since you always keep reminding me on how important communication is in our relationship, you know that crap you keep reading in Oprah’s "O" magazine, and that stuff you keep hearing from Dr. Phill you make me watch every damn time, I would like to communicate the following to you in order to keep our relationship on the right track:

- For the next couple of 4 weeks, starting june 9th, your Euro boytoy will not be available during the entire world cup soccer, for whatever you had in mind for you and me to be doing.

- It’s football ok!? Not soccer, it’s football! I don’t give a crap what you have been told in junior high, it football damn it!

- No baby, it’s not just a game. It’s way more then that, and don’t you ever say that again!

- Baby, don’t start undressing in front of the TV while the Netherlands is playing. You will get a cold, and right now, I’m not interested in you.

- I know Im watching the replay for the 4th time in a row now, you don’t have to remind me of that.

- I know it’s only 7 AM over here, but all my buddies in the Netherlands are drinking beer right now, so I figured so can I.

- No baby, germans are not cute.

- No baby, French are not cute, and it’s all true, they don’t shower and do stink.

- No baby, I will not go to our relationship therapist with you this week.

- No baby, I'm tired.

- No baby, I do not wanna talk about our feelings.

- No baby, I do not wanna talk about the "deeper" meaning of all this. My beer is getting kinna empty though, bring me a new one if you will.

- No baby, I don't give a crap what Dr. Phill would say about this situation.

- Have some sandwiches ready in the refrigerator so you won’t have to make me some if im getting hungry.

- Have some (cold) Heinekens ready. But that’s business as usual. I would hate for you to have to run to Albertsons for me.

- No, I don’t care about spending “quality” time with you right now.

- Yes, my cell phone is ringing, and no I don’t give a crap who it is.

- No, I do not wanna hold hands.

- If I hear "Oh my god!" one more time from you, I will get mad.

- No baby, you are not allowed to watch Oprah this week, yes I know all I do is keep watching replays.

- You don’t know what “offside” is? It basically means that you have to stay out of the living room for the next 4 weeks.

- Like I said before: Stop undressing right in front of me! I will spend maybe 10 seconds (if we're winning that is) on you during the commercial breaks, but that’s about it. Don’t be stupid, because you will get a cold if you keep undressing like that. And no, I wont come with you to the doctor if you get a cold, because I want to see how the Germans will get their asses whooped during the next game.

- No baby, the TIVO is mine this week. I need it to record all games so I can analyze ‘m all over night. I don’t give a shit you won’t be able to watch Oprah, Dr Phill and As the world turns this month.

- One last bit of very important information baby: DON’T EVER tell me it’s just a game if the Netherlands, aka “we”, get our ass kicked! And you better understand why I will be calling in sick for the next 4 weeks if that happens, during which I will watch all the replays, recorded at my TIVO since I am the one who bought it, over and over again in order to figure out what the f*ck went wrong.

Thanks for understanding baby, I love you.

Your Euro boytoy.